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A LOT HAS BEEN INCORRECTLY REPORTED ABOUT ALIEN ABDUCTIONS IN THE MEDIA AND IN MOVIES. THEY HAVE IT ALL WRONG!!  I KNOW, I AM A HAPPY ABDUCTEE.

THIS NONSENSE OF ALIENS NABBING YOU OUT OF YOUR BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND PERFORMING WEIRD MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS ON YOUR PERSON ARE CRAP.   YES, THEY DO ":BEAM" YOU UP TO THEIR CRAFTS AND INSERT A "TRACKING" DEVICE INTO YOUR BODY, BUT IT ISNT A CAPSULE SHAPED IMPLANT MADE OUT OF SOME EXOTIC METAL, NOT ANYMORE ANYHOW. OVER TIME THE GREYS/GRAYS HAVE MADE LEAPS FORWARD IN IMPLANT TECHNOLOGY, GONE ARE THE CRUDE DAYS OF IMPLANTS VIA THE RECTUM (CIRCA 1947) AND HELLO THE NEW AND IMPROVED ORGANIC STRAND INPLANTS (VIA THE NOSE, SOMETIMES LEADING TO NOSE BLEEDS,, MINOR SIDE EFFECT..)  MINE IS IN MY NECK JUST BELOW MY CORTEX. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I HAVE HAD IT SURGICALLY REMOVED TWICE. THE DUNCE DOCTORS CLAIM ITS JUST A LIPOMA THAT JUST HAPPENS TO RE-GROW AT THE SAME PLACE.

THESE GRAYS ARE A WILY BUNCH INDEED. MY ONLY GRIPE IS THAT WHEN I REMOVE IT, FOR COSMETIC PURPOSES THE KNUCKLEHEADS PUT IT BACK IN THE SAME PLACE! CANT THEY IMPLANT IT ELSEWHERE? I TAPE A MESSAGE TO THE BACK OF MY NECK AT NIGHT INSTRUCTING THE MORONS TO PUT IT ELSEWHERE, BUT THEY JUST DONT GET IT!

WHY WE ARE ABDUCTED IS THE REASON FOR MY CONSTANT REQUESTS TO BE TAKEN AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. WE ARE NOT TAKEN FOR WEIRD TESTS AND IMPREGNATION, NOPE NOT AT ALL, WE ARE TAKEN AS A SORT OF INTERGALACTIC PORN STAR.

AFTERALL, LETS FACE IT, THE GRAYS ARE ONLY 4 FEET TALL AND DONT EXACTLY HAVE THE BIGGEST DICKS IN THE GALAXY. HENCE THE NEED FOR EARTHLINGS WHO HAVE QUESTIONABLE MORALS WHEN IT COMES TO SEX. WE WILL  F U C K ANYTHING WITH A HEARTBEAT!

WE ARE TAKEN TO PLEASURE THE GRAY FEMALES AND ARE THE COSMIC CHIPPENDALES AT THEIR LEISURE, AND FOR THEIR STRANGE PARTIES. EARTHLING FEMALES ARE TAKEN IN PAIRS AND IN THREES TO "ENTERTAIN" THE GRAY MALES IN WILD GIRL ON GIRL ACTION IN THEIR "CLUBS",  AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING RACIALLY STEREOTYPICAL, THE MALE GRAYS CLUBS ARE VERY SIMILAR TO ORIENTAL KARAOKE BARS.

THE GRAYS USUALLY ABDUCT THE RURAL/FARM FOLK DUE TO THE FACT THAT THEY ON AVERAGE HAVE THE LARGER TALLY WHACKERS ON EARTH.  I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE OPEN RANGES AND CLEARER AIR...    SO I AM VERY HONOURED AS A CITY BOY TO BE ABDUCTED FOR THEIR "PROGRAM".

SO NEXT TIME YOU FEEL YOU HAVE LOST A FEW HOURS THAT YOU CANNOT EXPLAIN, JUST SIT BACK AND LIGHT UP A SMOKE AND REVEL IN THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A COSMIC PORN STAR. THE ALIENS ARE MAKING USE OF YOU FOR YOUR ABILITY TO SHAG THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF THEIR ALMOND EYED WIVES.  MAN AINT LIFE SWELL??????

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• 30/5/2007 - RENAULTS SUCK

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IT IS OFFICIAL! RENAULT MAKE SHITTY CARS THAT ARE BUTT UGLY!

I WAS DRIVING THE OTHER DAY AND WAS STOPPED BEHIND A RENAULT MODUS, MAN ITS AN UGLY, UGLY TIN CAN. TAKE THIS QUICK TEST. STOP BEHIND ONE AND TAKE A GANDER AT THE REAR LIGHT CLUSTERS, THEN THINK BACK TO THE CARTOONIST IMPRESSIONS OF THE JACOB ZUMA TRIAL. WHERE OLE MAN ZUMA WAS CARICATURED WITH BIG BULGING EYES, THEN LOOK AT THE RENAULT MODUS AGAIN. IT WILL DAWN ON YOU THAT THE TWO ARE ONE AND THE SAME! THE MODUS LIGHT CLUSTERS SEEM TO HAVE BEEN MADE IN ZUMAS LIKENESS. I ALMOST SWAZZED MYSELF I LAUGHED SO HARD.

THEN WE GET TO THE RENAULT LAGUNA, WHAT A KAK CAR! IT WAS RECENTLY VOTED THE CAR WITH THE FASTEST AND BIGGEST LOSS IN VALUE IN A YEAR. IT DEPPRECIATES MORE THAN 50% OF ITS VALUE. BESIDES THAT IT IS BUTT UGLY. THE RENAULT SCENICS ARE DILDO MOBILES AND SHOULD BE BANNED FOR SPOILING OUR ROADS. THE MEGANE SPORT F1 IS A JOKE. THEY SLAPPED ON A COUPLE OF GO FASTER STICKERS AND DRILLED THE BRAKE DISKS.. THESE HAVE BEEN PROVEN TO NOT AID THE CAR IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER. ITS JUST A "GEE WHIZ" ADDITION TO THE COFFIN STYLED PIECE OF JUNK. IT HAS HORRENDOUS TORQUE STEER AND WILL LEAVE YOU WITH KIDNEY FAILURE IF YOU DRIVE IT FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR ON END. I WOULD MUCH PREFER TO BUY A TATA INDICA AND COMMIT SOCIAL SUICIDE THAN A RENAULT. THE ALFA ROMEO GTA`S ARE A BETTER BET FOR ACCELERATION AND POISE. THE ARSE HOLES WHO BOUGHT THE MEGANE F1`S ARE A STUPID BUNCH INDEED. THEY WERE OVERCHARGED JUST BECAUSE RENAULT WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP AND NOW ARE NOWHERE!! YOU IDIOTS!!!!!! I AM HAPPY WITH MY 1996 BMW 540i. 210KILOWATTS-- 286BHP. IT GOES LIKE IT IS POWERED BY SATAN HIMSELF. WHEN I ONEDAY LOSE ALL MY SELF DIGNITY AND WHATEVER COOLNESS I HAVE, I WILL PURCHASE A RENAULT... BUT THEN AGAIN, MONKEYS ARE MORE LIKELY TO FLY OUT OF MY ARSE.  

ON TO THE FORMULA 1 TEAM. RENAULT HAVE REALLY KNOBBED THEMSELVES THIS SEASON AND SHOULD DO AS THEY THREATEN, AND WITHDRAW FROM THE SPORT SO THAT OTHER TEAMS CAN RACE AND NOT USE THEM AS MOBILE CHICANES!

I COULDNT BELIEVE THAT THE FIA GOT THEIR PANTIES IN A BUNCH OVER THE SUPPOSED "TEAM ORDERS" DEBACLE AT MONACO. ITS A SIMPLE CASE WITH MCLAREN MERCEDES.   THEY PURCHASED A DOUBLE CHAMPIONSHIP WINNER FOR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS/POUNDS/EUROS . SO IT ISNT SURPRISING THEN THAT RON DENNIS TOLD LEWIS HAMILTON TO EASE OFF AND MAINTAIN THE BACKDOOR POSITION. AFTERALL MONACO IS THE PREMIER RACE ON THE CALENDER AND ALL THE SPONSORS AND INVESTORS ARE THERE TO SEE WHERE AND ON WHAT THEIR VAST SUMS OF CASH WAS AND IS BEING SPENT ON. THEN FOR A ROOKIE WHO WAS EMPLOYED STRAIGHT OUT OF THE BARGAIN BIN TO UPSET THE CART AND MAKE THAT DOOS ALONSO LOOK FOOLISH JUST ISNT WHAT THE TEAM WANTS. THEN, AS IF AN EPIPHANY HIT MCLAREN MERCEDES, LEWIS HAMILTON, THE ROOKIE WITH 7 RACE STARTS TO HIS CAREER AND PODIUMS ALL OF THEM, WITH TWO WINS SO FAR IS OUTCLASSING THE SPANIARD TURD! WHAT DOES ALONSO DO. HE BITCHES AND WHINGES THAT THE TEAM ARE TOO ENGLISH AND ARE FAVOURING HAMILTON..  BOO F U C K I N G HOO ! !.. WHAT A  P E N I S !. ALL SPORTSMAN SPANIARDS ARE SCHMUCKS!. FIRE THE LOT I SAY!!!  WAY TO GO HAMILTON, ANNIHILATE THE TOSSER ALONSO!! MAKE HIM CRY LIKE A BABY..... AND TAKE THE CHAMPIONSHIP RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER HIM.. SHOW NO MERCY FOR THE BABY.

AS FOR THE "ICEMAN", I THINK FERRARI MADE A MONUMENTOUS MISTAKE! HE HAS NO CHARISMA OR PERSONALITY, I HAVE SEEN CORPSES WITH MORE PERSONALITY. DONT GET ME WRONG I AM A FANATICAL FERRARI SUPPORTER BUT KIMI JUST ISNT UP TO MUSTER.. THEN FINALLY FOR POOR OLD BARRICHELLO AND BUTTON, WORDS CANT CONVEY THE TRAGICNESS OF THEIR DISMAL PERFORMANCE. I SAY RETIRE THE RUBENS AND WAIT 10 YEARS AND LET HIM JOIN THE MASTERS SERIES. AS FOR BUTTON, SHOOT HIM! AS ONE DOES WITH USELESS RACE HORSES. COME TO THINK OF IT MAYBE ITS TIME FOR DAVID COULTHARD TO RETIRE AND GO AND RUN HIS HOTEL IN MONTE CARLO. SUPER AGURI MANAGED TO SCORE A POINT AND HONDA ARE STILL TRYING TO FIND THE TRACK, AND ARE PUDKNOCKING AT THE REAR OF THE FIELD WITH SPYKER.. HORRID!!!

MY MONEY THIS YEAR IS ON HAMILTON TAKING THE CHAMPIONSHIP IN HIS MAIDEN YEAR AND RELEGATING THE PONCE ALONSO TO SECOND OR THIRD WHERE HE CAN SULK. THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY.

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DISCIPLINE THROUGH VOLTAGE!

MANY A TRUTH WERE SPOKEN WITH ELECTRODES CONNECTED TO YOUR SCROTUM!

GOD USED TO BE MY CO PILOT, BUT THEN WE CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAINS AND I HAD TO EAT HIM!

THE FLOGGINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES!

PLANET EARTH IS THE SKID MARK ON THE COSMIC UNDERPANTS!

COMPUTERS: WORKING DAILY TO MAKE THE HUMAN BRAIN OBSOLETE!

EVERYTHING THAT USED TO BE A SIN IS NOW A DISEASE.

IMMORTALITY IS A LONG SHOT, I ADMIT.. BUT SOMEONE HAS TO BE FIRST..

MY WIFE MADE ME GET GLASSES. I WASN`T SEEING THINGS HER WAY!

THE 11TH COMMANDMENT.. THOU SHALT NOT BE FOUND OUT.

A CYNIC IS A MAN WHO, WHEN HE SMELLS FLOWERS, LOOKS AROUND FOR A COFFIN.

ALL THE THINGS I LOVE TO DO ARE EITHER ILLEGAL, IMMORAL OR FATTENING!

SCHIZOPHRENICS ARE PEOPLE TWO?

JOIN THE JEFFREY DAHMER FAN CLUB.  ALL YOU NEED IS A DISMEMBERSHIP CARD.

HAVE YOU FOUND GOD?......  I DIDNT REALISE HE WAS MISSING!

BEAUTY IS ONLY SIN DEEP.

WHEN A MAN STEALS YOUR WIFE, THERE IS NO BETTER REVENGE THAN TO LET HIM KEEP HER!

DONT MARRY FOR MONEY: YOU CAN BORROW IT CHEAPER.

NO PROBLEM IS TOO BIG TO RUN AWAY FROM.

I LIKE WORK: IT FASCINATES ME: I CAN SIT AND LOOK AT IT FOR HOURS:

IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE SET THEM FREE, IF THEY COME BACK  TO YOU THEY ARE YOURS: IF THEY DONT. HUNT THE BITCH DOWN AND KILL HER!!!!

WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A HELLS ANGEL WITH A JEHOVAS WITNESS?... A MAN THAT COMES TO YOUR DOOR RINGS THE BELL AND TELLS YOU TO F U C K OFF!

ARGENTINIAN RUGBY PLAYERS EAT THEIR OWN!

CAUTION!.. MIDLIFE CRISIS IN TRANSIT.

ALL WOMEN SHOULD BE ISSUED LITHIUM!

A MANS PERFECT WOMAN. SHE MUST BE A PROFESSIONAL AT WORK, A MASTER IN THE KITCHEN, A SAINT IN PUBLIC AND A WHORE IN THE BEDROOM.

IF AT FIRST YOU DONT SUCCEED. DESTROY ALL EVIDENCE THAT YOU TRIED.

MARRIAGE IS A WONDERFUL INSTITUTION, BUT WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN AN INSTITUTION?

A GOOD DEED NEVER GOES UNPUNISHED.

TOO BAD ABOUT THE KAMIKAZE PILOTS. THEY HAD TO DO ALL THEIR BRAGGING AHEAD OF TIME.

WHILE PLAYING GOLF TODAY I HIT TWO GOOD BALLS. ...          I STEPPED ON A RAKE!

I AM NOBODY.   NOBODY IS PERFECT.   THEREFORE, I MUST BE PERFECT.

A MAN IN LOVE IS INCOMPLETE UNTIL HE IS MARRIED. THEN HE IS FINISHED!

SHE WAS A LOVELY GIRL. OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS FAST & FURIOUS.      I WAS FAST, SHE WAS FURIOUS.

THE PUNISHMENT FOR BIGAMY......  YOU GET 2 MOTHERS IN LAW!

ALL I ASK IS A CHANCE TO PROVE THAT MONEY CANT MAKE ME HAPPY!

CIGARETTE SALES WOULD DROP TO ZERO OVERNIGHT IF THE WARNING SAID. CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.

I USED TO HAVE A HANDLE ON LIFE, BUT THEN THE HANDLE BROKE!

MY FRIENDS TELL ME THAT I HAVE AN INTIMACY PROBLEM, BUT THEY DONT REALLY KNOW ME.

A HOSPITAL BED IS A PARKED TAXI WITH THE METER RUNNING.

TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE, UNLESS THEY ARE ON THE SAME BODY!

I GOT THE BILL FROM MY OPERATION, NOW I KNOW WHY THEY WEAR MASKS!

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the other day i was at a shopping mall in alberton with my son kyle reece watching a puppet show put on for the kids in the main food court area.the show was silly but fun. the kids liked it. what got me was the sudden waft of hot freshly prepared falafels from the anat falafel franchise kiosk just behind me. man that smell was heavenly and immediately transported me back to a previous life where one saturday i was at the colloseum in rome with my then son maximillion silverius. we were just settling down on the third tier in our seats to watch the saturday matinee`. we had just bought our favourite food. falafels. the finest falafels this side of judea. bought from the franchise that was started in judea years earlier, after reaching fame as the venue for the biblical "last supper", CRAZY FAIZELS FABULOUS FALAFEL INN AND SPORTS BAR. man they were addictive. saturdays at the colloseum were special treats, the kids loved it. there is nothing quite like the sound of shrieks of delight  from the kids as the chariots whipped by chasing down the screaming christians. the chariot gladiators were super stars of their day ( like the michael schumachers and undertakers of today), all the kids wanted to grow up to be just like their heroes and also thunder around the arena riding over their christian victims. i miss those times, man they were the good old days,  crazy faizels fabulous falafels  and  the atmosphere of the tournaments. granted nowadays  the entertainment is a tad drab by comparison but the time spent with your son is great. so back to the puppet show in alberton and the anat falafels and i  revel in that great nostalgic feeling.

i do so miss my past lives.

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recently i wrote a letter to a top notch motoring magazine which was published much to my delight, it was mere ramblings about the motor car and stuff..

i was mortified by the horrid reviews the testers gave the alfa romeo spyder. i felt as though they had burglarised my soul. they knocked the beauty hard. look it may have its niggles, like torsional rigidity and an insane price, but then again women cost just as much and are full of shit to boot. make no mistake, i love women, but like italian cars are tempermental but loads of fun. the americans produce cars. the japanese mass produce cars. the germans build cars. the english hand build cars. the french assemble cars, but, the italians "create" cars. their lines just as curvy and s e x y  as those of a woman. however not all italian manufacturers are design gurus though. point in case, the crack addicts at fiat that designed, pitched and built the multipla.

it is a mongoloid of a car! what the hell were they thinking. there is no way in hell you stand a chance of getting laid driving one of those mongrel mobiles. i shudder to think of the reception one would receive pulling up to the news cafe in a multipla? the horror! the horror! you would be the laughing stock of the place. it just isnt a panty dropper. the only  s e x  you would have in that car would be with yourself.

my point is, if you purchase a car that is going to cost you a large chunk of your hard earned salary why the f u c k waste it on a car that is going to be your social downfall why do you want to commit social suicide by being seen in the mutt mobile?  a car is supposed to represent your position in life and where you figure your way into society. an extension of your personality so to say. so then you go and buy a multipla? are you high on drugs, is your brain clinically dead, are you bereft of all common sense?... or.... did you buy it on a dare? personally i would rather eat a turd than be seen dead in a multipla.

now i know there are those that will try and defend their SHIT choice of car in buying the multipla by saying it is practical and i dont have the time or care very much about trivial things like car choices. maybe they will try and logicise it by saying its just a car. to them i say. SIR YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE WANKER. so if its just a car and you dont give a twally if its butt ugly, what does that say about your ability to distinguish taste? i bet your wife is as mortifyingly frightening as your ugly car! in that case maybe all multipla drivers should sell their multipla`s or better yet torch the monstrosities and save thousands by scouring the second hand pages for a car of equal crappiness,  the dacia. we all remember the dacia dont we? the only car to dispense with the notion of the internal combustion engine and be powered by the spontaneous combustion engine.  the dacia is crap and ugly just like the multipla. so trade in the multipla and  get yourself a dacia. to the design knuckleheads at fiat and to all multipla owners and those unfortunate enough to have to drive one by decree or any other form of torture i say this. i have more taste and creativity in the tip of my penis than you lot have in your entire bodies!!!! get rid of the multipla now, for the sake of humanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps# i am glad to hear that the drug addict that was running/ ruining fiat has been deposed and hopefully enturned in a rehab facility where he can try and kick his filthy habit. never , never , never let him near a motoring plant again!

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it has dawned on me that the television set is a misinformation and political tool, designed to indoctrinate the population into servitude of puppet regimes we call government.

absolute rubbish is aired on our channels that showcase urban degeneration, hatred, murder, infidelity, terrorism, crime and hard s e x and alcohol and d r u g  abuse .  we are being zombiefied by the box. we get home from our day jobs where we slog away for slave wages, just to flop into a chair and stare into the void at the end of the lounge called the t.v. set.

the t.v. vomits out mind numbing garbage which we are dumb enough to pay a licence fee for every year. man we must be losers!

 the t.v. broadcasters are defacto government employees and they air what the government wants. they even have a certain amount of programming that has to be locally made (quotas). of these local programmes almost all are unwatchable trash. they contain flaky plots and horrid acting not to mention the dire direction, the so called "directors" pontificate about their oh so talented self importance, wearing caps and berets to try and emulate american directors. they all suffer from cecil b de mille envy and are a bunch of knobs. the story lines contain all the above mentioned aspects of social decay. its no friggin wonder that the suicide rate is so high in our country.

i have just paid my t.v. licence, and what am i given to watch? cricket every evening for a month. shit local programmes and hip hop music and kwaito that makes me wish i could eat my own tongue.!! .. some reward! i am appalled and dismayed by the propaganda being rammed down our throats daily..

this year is the last time i pay for a t.v. licence and thats final!!

if the t.v. broadcast bureaucrats dont like that, they can go down on both knees pucker their lips and kiss my rebel dick!

i will no longer pay to be brain washed!   

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this is a list of assassinations that rocked the world and led in many cases to the decline of society.

 sennacherib of assyria.

jesus of nazareth.

john the baptist.

 caligula (roman emperor)

 eric iv king of denmark.

 lord darnley, second husband of mary queen of scots.

 abraham lincoln.

 james . a garfield (US president).

 alexander ii king of russia.

sitting bull, chief of the sioux american indian tribe.

 william mckinley, (US president)

 grigori e rasputin.

 michael collins.

arch duke franz ferdinand.

 pancho villa.

 leon trotsky.

 reinhard heydrich.

 mahatma gandhi.

 patrice lumumba.

 john f kennedy.

ngo dinh diem, president of south vietnam.

malcolm x.

 hendrik verwoerd.

ernesto "che" guevara.

 martin luther king.

 robert f kennedy.

faisal, king of saudi arabia.

 jimmy hoffa.

steve biko.

 aldo moro, italian prime minister.

 lord mountbatten.

 park chung hee, president of south korea.

 john lennon.

 anwar sadat.

 indira gandhi.

 olof palme, swedish prime minister.

 rajiv gandhi.

 chris hani.

yitzhak rabin.

maurizio gucci.

 gianni versace.

humpty dumpty!

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this is a short true or false quiz.

give it a bash.

T OR F. the umbilical cord is part of a parachute?

T OR F. the pubic hair is a type of wild australian rabbit?

T OR F. a mons pubis is the small mound of soil found at the entrance of a burrow of the wild australian pubic hair?

T OR F. the fallopian tube is found in a t.v. set?

T OR F. genitalia is the name of italy`s official airline?

T OR F. the sphinctor is an architectural marvel found next to the pyramids at giza in egypt?

T OR F. moby dick is a type of venereal disease?

T OR F. gonnorreah is a world famous show jumping horse?

T OR F. coitus interruptus is a latin term used by roman catholic priests during an exorcism?

T OR F. the menstrual cycle has 3 wheels?

T OR F. a vulva is a motor car built in sweden?

T OR F. dildo is a term used to confirm a statement without repeating the statement? eg. i love you.. "dildo"

T OR F. consumate, is what a black widow does to her mate after procreation?

T OR F. genes were first patented by levi strauss in 1886?

T OR F. relative humidity is the sweat and heat that builds up around your balls when you have  s e x with your cousin?

T OR F. pumpkin, , , , is what hillbilly rednecks from alabama like to do? 
T OR F. david caruso`s characters name in the popular television  series CSI, is lieutenant   fellatio caine?                       
T OR F. dyslexia is caused as a result of brian damage?

T OR F. haemmeroids are huge asteroids threatening to crash into uranus?

T OR F. the islets of langerhans are a group of tourist islands off the coast of norway?

T OR F. asphyxia is the reconstructive plastic surgery performed on the buttocks?

T OR F. endoplasmic reticulum is a galaxy within our solar system?

T OR F. the clitoris is a small plant indigenous to the transvaal?

T OR F. a gay man with an erection is known by the genus name, homo erectus?

T OR F. lesbians is the collective term for women who live in lisbon portugal?

T OR F. jabberwocky, is the surname of chewbacca the wookie in the star wars movies? 

T OR F. gobbledeegook is a term first coined by an american seargent outside na trang during the vietnam war after witnessing a bengal    tiger eating the remains of a VC soldier?

T OR F. female oral contraception is spitting as opposed to swallowing?

T OR F. afterbirth...... the doctor slaps you?

T OR F. a big apple crumble is indeed osama bin laden`s favourite dessert?

T OR F. the archbishop of canterbury is known by the title" primate of all england"?

T OR F. the clerk of the closet in the u.k. is the sovereigns principle chaplain?

if you answered the last 2 question as true, you were indeed correct.

its strange that for a group that vehemently denies/ denounces and absolutely refuses to entertain the notion of evolution and that man evoluted from apes.then they go and call the arch a primate? funny thing that.   indeed?

a dude known as the clerk of the closet just screams gay guy keeping the register of all the queens  and queers stepping out of the "closet" ?

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 a while back the sanctimonius pompous arse holes within the vatican launched a scathing attack on the dakar race. it was certainly a surprise for the vatican hacks to label the rally as a ruthless evil. a column was written in the auto trader supplement of a local paper where the author gave the vatican a piece of his mind.

in support i wrote a letter which was published albeit heavily edited.

it is silly for the vatican to have attacked a sporting event because there have been fatalaties among the spectators and drivers/ riders.

i had written that it was high time that the sanctimonius liars and frauds when to mind their own business and clean house before embarking on a religious tirade about a motor sports event. hell, lets face it , they could be a tad more vocal about the mindless slaughter of people in say, eritrea, somalia, darfur sudan, iraq, afghanistan  etc. however why should they say anything let alone maybe actually get off their golden thrones and actually help these people! what? never, in a million years and 9 crusades. afterall these countries are predominantly muslim and those are afterall the godless heathens they marched out to eradicate during the crusades. i am of The opinion that the vatican and its defacto nazi leader should really concentrate on church stuff and brotherly love and all that jazz.

was their attack on the dakar race a PR attempt at diverting attention away from their skeletons that have been popping out of their proverbial closets lately? i think so.

afterall, they have a horrid track record for their oh so holy ordained priests having an appetite for bonking young boys. its called rape! you sick twisted paedophiles! the vatican doesnt hand over the offending bastards to the authorities, no they "deal with it internally". yes right. they send said kiddy bonkers to africa or south america to some obscure mission as punishment, where they now have a whole horde more targets to abuse.

coming back to pope benedict the xvi, why does he insist on using an alias? he is joseph alois ratzinger. a former nazi soldier. he says he deserted towrds the end of the war, just as a rat does just like the first three letters of his surname! big woof, so did a shit load of other nazi soldiers. it was cool to wear the cool nazi uniform, wear the uber cool jack boots and don the swastica when things were going swimmingly for the nazi`s. however when the shit went the other way, suddenly he deserted, JA, him and everyone else that wanted to avoid a visit to nuremburg after the war! nice try HERR POPE!

now motor sport can be dangerous, and by its very definition it has never tried to be otherwise.

a "race" driver propels his "race" car forward at full tilt to "beat" the "race" drivers he is "competing" against.

nowhere in the motorsports hand book does it say that the race drivers will be driving miss daisy..

it is high time that politics and religion be practiced by their own crowd and take their meddling noses out of motor sport!

i wonder if the PAPAL HAUPTMANN will decree that ice hockey is a barbaric and a ruthlessly evil sport, seeing as there has been fatalaties in that sport aswell? maybe the next sport on the PAPAL HITLIST might be cricket, football, athletics, rugby, golf, cycling or even boxing as there have been fatalaties in all those disciplines too. ( just look at the murder of pakistani cricket coach bob woolmer at the 2007 world cup in jamaica, poor guy was just the coach and gets murdered for his trouble, i believe that its high time that the pakistani`s end their strangle hold on international cricket). while we are at it, maybe the vatican should unilaterally rule that the toilet is an evil device, the dear old crapper has too claimed lives! george11 of great britain died on the shitter on october 25 1760 from aortic dissection, man that must have been one stubborn turd!! later in 1996, american film producer don simpson too lost his life whilst sending a "fax". ELVIS  died on or near the white telephone. edmund the 11 of england was unceremoniously stabbed in the bowels whilst turning his morning coil. lupe velez of beverly hills overdosed on secrobarbital, but instead of making her drowsy she got a monumentous case of upset guts and shat herself to death on the porcelain express. catherine the great died of a massive stroke while taking a dump. novelist evelyn waugh died sitting on the throne due to a heart attack after being too pissed and fat to get his fat arse off the bog. lenny bruce bought the farm whilst overdosing on morphine sitting on the toilet.. thus the toilet is an evil device that should be avoided at all costs! i think i shall just crap in my rods,,,,,aahhh,, sweet release. but, i digress.

in conclusion. the vatican are cold hearted money and attention mongers. they lambaste the dakar rally as a ruthless evil! so by association they are branding poor elmer symons and eric aubijoux as ruthless and evil people. imagine what their families must feel, they lose their son/ husband/ brother after being killed during the last dakar race and the strokers at the vatican news paper say things like they did.

my last words to the vatican is,  !!!SIS ON YOU!!!!

this is my first attempt at a blog. what follows is my views and perceptions of this wicked world we live in.

firstly, i am of the opinion that we were landed here many eons ago. a sort of galactic colonialists. i definately am not from this planet! i am sure there are many others that feel like visitors, that ache for home.

just look at how our masters have convoluted our lives with so many ridiculous rules and laws which they themselves flout. we live in a society of do as you are told and not do as i do. our leaders lie, steal and break us down day by day. they fill our heads with rubbish and expect us to beleive everything they tell us. our leaders are defacto murderers, just look at how many people are sent to their deaths in the name of "freedom". whose freedom? we are taught to hate and fight our"enemies". quite frankly, if we let people be, we wouldnt have enemies. i always find it amusing that people refer to themselves as god fearing, why should you fear your god? in my own version of religion belief i do not fear the supreme being. fear is the root of all our worlds problems. that and a blind trust in rulers who babble on incoherently about the tyrants and despots all over the globe, never for a minute stopping and looking at what they are doing.

god, or in my belief a higher spiritual being with no human features or traits does indeed exist. however not the variety that the church describes. there was a fantastic holy man with great inner peace that lived and died for his faith. his name was jesus, son to a woman of portuguese lineage and a father of middle eastern lineage. his betrayal by judas was in my belief motivated more by jealousy and anger because of jesus` love for mary magdalene. the time of the year that sickens me most to my very core is easter and christmas. how can anyone in their right mind celebrate "good friday". it is sick and immoral to say the least! that day jesus was whipped, beaten, ridiculed, tortured, spat on forced to carry his torture device execution device, then crowned with thorns lashed to a cross, nailed to it through his hands( actually through the wrists) then hoisted and stabbed in the side by a roman soldier with a spear. he was left to die a terrible death. however in all likelyhood he was in a coma from which he came out of  and thus explains the ressurrection. so back to good friday, it wasnt a very good friday for jesus, so how can anyone "celebrate" good friday? its sick!!!! to top it all, the supposed religious people out there then wear a crucifix around their necks and kiss it in the roman catholic church, are they dumb? i would much rather wear a small electric chair around my neck on a chain than a cross. is the world that naive that they blindly follow teachings of mad men?

this brings me to christmas, instead of really celebrating the birth of a great man, the world has opted for a side show approach and have made christmas trees adorned with tinsel and a fat cunt in a red suit more important than the birth of christ. people go out and splurge huge amounts of money on gifts that are just for showing off to others at what they bought and at what expense. its sickening to see the wastage and gluttony of those people feeding themselves like pigs at a trough. in my view of christs day, we are to show homage to the day of a great prophets birth and any gifts given are to be small and only 3 given. 

there have been many great prophets in our lifetime. we just never thought of them in that light. they imparted teachings and words of wisdom that after their deaths still ring true to us on a daily basis,. point in case is elvis. even after his death millions still adore him and flock to his home. he was a prophet and great man, granted he had his moments, but he was afterall human?? here are a few similarities i have found linking elvis and jesus. jesus was born in very humble surroundings in bethlehem. elvis was born in a very humble shotgun shack in tupelo mississippi. jesus wore robes and sandals. elvis wore sequined jump suits and blue suede shoes. jesus rode into jerusalem on a donkey. elvis cruised into memphis in a pink caddilac. jesus had the sermon on the mount. elvis had the auditorium at the palms in vegas. jesus holds the keys to the kingdom of heaven. elvis holds the keys to graceland. jesus had mary magdalene. elvis had priscilla. jesus was persecuted by the pharisees. elvis was persecuted by the press.  other great yet human prophets of our time were johnny cash and june carter. it seems amazing how "we " murder our idols. "we" murdered jesus and "we" murdered john lennon, john f kennedy etc. there is a sickness in the (in)human race and in my opinion the cure is simple. . . . . a couple hundred megatons should do it quite nicely.

i just wait in anticipation for the day elvis returns and takes me home to my planet. this planet we call earth is the skid mark on the cosmic underpants.

dont allow yourself to be reigned in by religious dogma and political assassins masquerading as our leaders.

wake up!!!!!!

do yourself a favour and take a trip to your local cd shop and buy albums by the slovenian band LAIBACH. you will be pleasently surprised. google the band on the net and visit their site. free thinkers free of all the bullshit.

i am a radical free thinker and i allow myself the levity to think and more importantly, question authority and origins.

i dare you to try and break free of all the dogma. it is liberating to finally see through the fog that has blinded us all for so long.

many thanks michael

www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com

michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com