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• 30/5/2007 - RENAULTS SUCK

www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com

IT IS OFFICIAL! RENAULT MAKE SHITTY CARS THAT ARE BUTT UGLY!

I WAS DRIVING THE OTHER DAY AND WAS STOPPED BEHIND A RENAULT MODUS, MAN ITS AN UGLY, UGLY TIN CAN. TAKE THIS QUICK TEST. STOP BEHIND ONE AND TAKE A GANDER AT THE REAR LIGHT CLUSTERS, THEN THINK BACK TO THE CARTOONIST IMPRESSIONS OF THE JACOB ZUMA TRIAL. WHERE OLE MAN ZUMA WAS CARICATURED WITH BIG BULGING EYES, THEN LOOK AT THE RENAULT MODUS AGAIN. IT WILL DAWN ON YOU THAT THE TWO ARE ONE AND THE SAME! THE MODUS LIGHT CLUSTERS SEEM TO HAVE BEEN MADE IN ZUMAS LIKENESS. I ALMOST SWAZZED MYSELF I LAUGHED SO HARD.

THEN WE GET TO THE RENAULT LAGUNA, WHAT A KAK CAR! IT WAS RECENTLY VOTED THE CAR WITH THE FASTEST AND BIGGEST LOSS IN VALUE IN A YEAR. IT DEPPRECIATES MORE THAN 50% OF ITS VALUE. BESIDES THAT IT IS BUTT UGLY. THE RENAULT SCENICS ARE DILDO MOBILES AND SHOULD BE BANNED FOR SPOILING OUR ROADS. THE MEGANE SPORT F1 IS A JOKE. THEY SLAPPED ON A COUPLE OF GO FASTER STICKERS AND DRILLED THE BRAKE DISKS.. THESE HAVE BEEN PROVEN TO NOT AID THE CAR IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER. ITS JUST A "GEE WHIZ" ADDITION TO THE COFFIN STYLED PIECE OF JUNK. IT HAS HORRENDOUS TORQUE STEER AND WILL LEAVE YOU WITH KIDNEY FAILURE IF YOU DRIVE IT FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR ON END. I WOULD MUCH PREFER TO BUY A TATA INDICA AND COMMIT SOCIAL SUICIDE THAN A RENAULT. THE ALFA ROMEO GTA`S ARE A BETTER BET FOR ACCELERATION AND POISE. THE ARSE HOLES WHO BOUGHT THE MEGANE F1`S ARE A STUPID BUNCH INDEED. THEY WERE OVERCHARGED JUST BECAUSE RENAULT WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP AND NOW ARE NOWHERE!! YOU IDIOTS!!!!!! I AM HAPPY WITH MY 1996 BMW 540i. 210KILOWATTS-- 286BHP. IT GOES LIKE IT IS POWERED BY SATAN HIMSELF. WHEN I ONEDAY LOSE ALL MY SELF DIGNITY AND WHATEVER COOLNESS I HAVE, I WILL PURCHASE A RENAULT... BUT THEN AGAIN, MONKEYS ARE MORE LIKELY TO FLY OUT OF MY ARSE.  

ON TO THE FORMULA 1 TEAM. RENAULT HAVE REALLY KNOBBED THEMSELVES THIS SEASON AND SHOULD DO AS THEY THREATEN, AND WITHDRAW FROM THE SPORT SO THAT OTHER TEAMS CAN RACE AND NOT USE THEM AS MOBILE CHICANES!

I COULDNT BELIEVE THAT THE FIA GOT THEIR PANTIES IN A BUNCH OVER THE SUPPOSED "TEAM ORDERS" DEBACLE AT MONACO. ITS A SIMPLE CASE WITH MCLAREN MERCEDES.   THEY PURCHASED A DOUBLE CHAMPIONSHIP WINNER FOR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS/POUNDS/EUROS . SO IT ISNT SURPRISING THEN THAT RON DENNIS TOLD LEWIS HAMILTON TO EASE OFF AND MAINTAIN THE BACKDOOR POSITION. AFTERALL MONACO IS THE PREMIER RACE ON THE CALENDER AND ALL THE SPONSORS AND INVESTORS ARE THERE TO SEE WHERE AND ON WHAT THEIR VAST SUMS OF CASH WAS AND IS BEING SPENT ON. THEN FOR A ROOKIE WHO WAS EMPLOYED STRAIGHT OUT OF THE BARGAIN BIN TO UPSET THE CART AND MAKE THAT DOOS ALONSO LOOK FOOLISH JUST ISNT WHAT THE TEAM WANTS. THEN, AS IF AN EPIPHANY HIT MCLAREN MERCEDES, LEWIS HAMILTON, THE ROOKIE WITH 7 RACE STARTS TO HIS CAREER AND PODIUMS ALL OF THEM, WITH TWO WINS SO FAR IS OUTCLASSING THE SPANIARD TURD! WHAT DOES ALONSO DO. HE BITCHES AND WHINGES THAT THE TEAM ARE TOO ENGLISH AND ARE FAVOURING HAMILTON..  BOO F U C K I N G HOO ! !.. WHAT A  P E N I S !. ALL SPORTSMAN SPANIARDS ARE SCHMUCKS!. FIRE THE LOT I SAY!!!  WAY TO GO HAMILTON, ANNIHILATE THE TOSSER ALONSO!! MAKE HIM CRY LIKE A BABY..... AND TAKE THE CHAMPIONSHIP RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER HIM.. SHOW NO MERCY FOR THE BABY.

AS FOR THE "ICEMAN", I THINK FERRARI MADE A MONUMENTOUS MISTAKE! HE HAS NO CHARISMA OR PERSONALITY, I HAVE SEEN CORPSES WITH MORE PERSONALITY. DONT GET ME WRONG I AM A FANATICAL FERRARI SUPPORTER BUT KIMI JUST ISNT UP TO MUSTER.. THEN FINALLY FOR POOR OLD BARRICHELLO AND BUTTON, WORDS CANT CONVEY THE TRAGICNESS OF THEIR DISMAL PERFORMANCE. I SAY RETIRE THE RUBENS AND WAIT 10 YEARS AND LET HIM JOIN THE MASTERS SERIES. AS FOR BUTTON, SHOOT HIM! AS ONE DOES WITH USELESS RACE HORSES. COME TO THINK OF IT MAYBE ITS TIME FOR DAVID COULTHARD TO RETIRE AND GO AND RUN HIS HOTEL IN MONTE CARLO. SUPER AGURI MANAGED TO SCORE A POINT AND HONDA ARE STILL TRYING TO FIND THE TRACK, AND ARE PUDKNOCKING AT THE REAR OF THE FIELD WITH SPYKER.. HORRID!!!

MY MONEY THIS YEAR IS ON HAMILTON TAKING THE CHAMPIONSHIP IN HIS MAIDEN YEAR AND RELEGATING THE PONCE ALONSO TO SECOND OR THIRD WHERE HE CAN SULK. THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY.

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DISCIPLINE THROUGH VOLTAGE!

MANY A TRUTH WERE SPOKEN WITH ELECTRODES CONNECTED TO YOUR SCROTUM!

GOD USED TO BE MY CO PILOT, BUT THEN WE CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAINS AND I HAD TO EAT HIM!

THE FLOGGINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES!

PLANET EARTH IS THE SKID MARK ON THE COSMIC UNDERPANTS!

COMPUTERS: WORKING DAILY TO MAKE THE HUMAN BRAIN OBSOLETE!

EVERYTHING THAT USED TO BE A SIN IS NOW A DISEASE.

IMMORTALITY IS A LONG SHOT, I ADMIT.. BUT SOMEONE HAS TO BE FIRST..

MY WIFE MADE ME GET GLASSES. I WASN`T SEEING THINGS HER WAY!

THE 11TH COMMANDMENT.. THOU SHALT NOT BE FOUND OUT.

A CYNIC IS A MAN WHO, WHEN HE SMELLS FLOWERS, LOOKS AROUND FOR A COFFIN.

ALL THE THINGS I LOVE TO DO ARE EITHER ILLEGAL, IMMORAL OR FATTENING!

SCHIZOPHRENICS ARE PEOPLE TWO?

JOIN THE JEFFREY DAHMER FAN CLUB.  ALL YOU NEED IS A DISMEMBERSHIP CARD.

HAVE YOU FOUND GOD?......  I DIDNT REALISE HE WAS MISSING!

BEAUTY IS ONLY SIN DEEP.

WHEN A MAN STEALS YOUR WIFE, THERE IS NO BETTER REVENGE THAN TO LET HIM KEEP HER!

DONT MARRY FOR MONEY: YOU CAN BORROW IT CHEAPER.

NO PROBLEM IS TOO BIG TO RUN AWAY FROM.

I LIKE WORK: IT FASCINATES ME: I CAN SIT AND LOOK AT IT FOR HOURS:

IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE SET THEM FREE, IF THEY COME BACK  TO YOU THEY ARE YOURS: IF THEY DONT. HUNT THE BITCH DOWN AND KILL HER!!!!

WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A HELLS ANGEL WITH A JEHOVAS WITNESS?... A MAN THAT COMES TO YOUR DOOR RINGS THE BELL AND TELLS YOU TO F U C K OFF!

ARGENTINIAN RUGBY PLAYERS EAT THEIR OWN!

CAUTION!.. MIDLIFE CRISIS IN TRANSIT.

ALL WOMEN SHOULD BE ISSUED LITHIUM!

A MANS PERFECT WOMAN. SHE MUST BE A PROFESSIONAL AT WORK, A MASTER IN THE KITCHEN, A SAINT IN PUBLIC AND A WHORE IN THE BEDROOM.

IF AT FIRST YOU DONT SUCCEED. DESTROY ALL EVIDENCE THAT YOU TRIED.

MARRIAGE IS A WONDERFUL INSTITUTION, BUT WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN AN INSTITUTION?

A GOOD DEED NEVER GOES UNPUNISHED.

TOO BAD ABOUT THE KAMIKAZE PILOTS. THEY HAD TO DO ALL THEIR BRAGGING AHEAD OF TIME.

WHILE PLAYING GOLF TODAY I HIT TWO GOOD BALLS. ...          I STEPPED ON A RAKE!

I AM NOBODY.   NOBODY IS PERFECT.   THEREFORE, I MUST BE PERFECT.

A MAN IN LOVE IS INCOMPLETE UNTIL HE IS MARRIED. THEN HE IS FINISHED!

SHE WAS A LOVELY GIRL. OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS FAST & FURIOUS.      I WAS FAST, SHE WAS FURIOUS.

THE PUNISHMENT FOR BIGAMY......  YOU GET 2 MOTHERS IN LAW!

ALL I ASK IS A CHANCE TO PROVE THAT MONEY CANT MAKE ME HAPPY!

CIGARETTE SALES WOULD DROP TO ZERO OVERNIGHT IF THE WARNING SAID. CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.

I USED TO HAVE A HANDLE ON LIFE, BUT THEN THE HANDLE BROKE!

MY FRIENDS TELL ME THAT I HAVE AN INTIMACY PROBLEM, BUT THEY DONT REALLY KNOW ME.

A HOSPITAL BED IS A PARKED TAXI WITH THE METER RUNNING.

TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE, UNLESS THEY ARE ON THE SAME BODY!

I GOT THE BILL FROM MY OPERATION, NOW I KNOW WHY THEY WEAR MASKS!

www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com

recently i wrote a letter to a top notch motoring magazine which was published much to my delight, it was mere ramblings about the motor car and stuff..

i was mortified by the horrid reviews the testers gave the alfa romeo spyder. i felt as though they had burglarised my soul. they knocked the beauty hard. look it may have its niggles, like torsional rigidity and an insane price, but then again women cost just as much and are full of shit to boot. make no mistake, i love women, but like italian cars are tempermental but loads of fun. the americans produce cars. the japanese mass produce cars. the germans build cars. the english hand build cars. the french assemble cars, but, the italians "create" cars. their lines just as curvy and s e x y  as those of a woman. however not all italian manufacturers are design gurus though. point in case, the crack addicts at fiat that designed, pitched and built the multipla.

it is a mongoloid of a car! what the hell were they thinking. there is no way in hell you stand a chance of getting laid driving one of those mongrel mobiles. i shudder to think of the reception one would receive pulling up to the news cafe in a multipla? the horror! the horror! you would be the laughing stock of the place. it just isnt a panty dropper. the only  s e x  you would have in that car would be with yourself.

my point is, if you purchase a car that is going to cost you a large chunk of your hard earned salary why the f u c k waste it on a car that is going to be your social downfall why do you want to commit social suicide by being seen in the mutt mobile?  a car is supposed to represent your position in life and where you figure your way into society. an extension of your personality so to say. so then you go and buy a multipla? are you high on drugs, is your brain clinically dead, are you bereft of all common sense?... or.... did you buy it on a dare? personally i would rather eat a turd than be seen dead in a multipla.

now i know there are those that will try and defend their SHIT choice of car in buying the multipla by saying it is practical and i dont have the time or care very much about trivial things like car choices. maybe they will try and logicise it by saying its just a car. to them i say. SIR YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE WANKER. so if its just a car and you dont give a twally if its butt ugly, what does that say about your ability to distinguish taste? i bet your wife is as mortifyingly frightening as your ugly car! in that case maybe all multipla drivers should sell their multipla`s or better yet torch the monstrosities and save thousands by scouring the second hand pages for a car of equal crappiness,  the dacia. we all remember the dacia dont we? the only car to dispense with the notion of the internal combustion engine and be powered by the spontaneous combustion engine.  the dacia is crap and ugly just like the multipla. so trade in the multipla and  get yourself a dacia. to the design knuckleheads at fiat and to all multipla owners and those unfortunate enough to have to drive one by decree or any other form of torture i say this. i have more taste and creativity in the tip of my penis than you lot have in your entire bodies!!!! get rid of the multipla now, for the sake of humanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps# i am glad to hear that the drug addict that was running/ ruining fiat has been deposed and hopefully enturned in a rehab facility where he can try and kick his filthy habit. never , never , never let him near a motoring plant again!